Every morning from behind the bars
My child's eyes smile at me
As I begin happily to sing
His kissing lips near mine.

O God! If I need to fly out one day
From behind these lonesome bars
How will I answer this child's crying eyes?
Let me be, a captive bird am I!


F.F.

Happy Birthday Aryanna Yalda Joy!

On the day of your first birthday, I want to wish you happiness and love. I wish you fall in love with a man or woman who appreciates you and believes that just having you and your love is worth the whole world. I wish you company of a person who will never hurt you, cheat on you and will never question his love for you. If he does hurt you my love, you have to have a limit, for your patience and for your forgiveness. Endless of anything, will bring abuse. Above all, I wish you to be happy with who you are and will be one day. I wish that your ultimate happiness belongs to you only and you wont need someone to make you happy. Sharing the happiness that you already have will make a beautiful life. Have a beautiful life, my one year old love.

At some point you just give up on some dreams and make new ones. That is the only way of surviving. Giving up sometimes is the only way.

There must be a way to get over some hurtful images faster. There must be a way not to feel bitter through the healing process. Not sure why I feel so bitter again. I miss how we were a week ago. Take me back there.

current mood:
hating life for so many reasons.
I am mad at many people including myself.
Love is not garanteed for life time. Eventually it runs out if you keep giving it and not get enough back in return.
I feel so out of love lately.
Among a non stop crying child, hours and hours of no sleep, too much unknown for the future and a lot of financial worries I should be able to pick the worst I am dealing with these days. The worst is not even in that list. That is how great my life is as of tonight, 1:16 am.
All I can say is, back the f.. off. Enough is enough.

I dont know.

Can I really get through this one? This might be the toughest of them all, mostly because I can't share it with anyone. I can't seek for advice or support. I remember my dad used to say women burry many secrets with them. This is one of those.
Maybe time can help. And I hope Aryanna keeps me sane through it all.

Sometimes I wish I could go. Where, I dont know. Why, not sure.