Monday, March 26, 2012

She kept her sunglasses on

This little creature wears stylish oversized cream color sunglasses. She is that grown up. I love her so much. She is my arousak, the most beautiful one any girl could dream of. I wish to be around and watch her grow. I really do.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Knowing more about the tumor

A good friend of mine showed a copy of my recent brain MRI report to a neurologist and asked some of my questions, this is what he just told me, " She said it is common to have venous structures in that area. If the surgeon determines that there might be a bleeding risk, an interventional rad goes in and embolizes ("glues") the veins prior to surgery. She said the duke people are really great, they know what they are doing, and you shouldn't worry about it. Having said that, she said you should discuss in detail all the risks (and their likelihood) and then make a decision."
That sounds scary. Very scary. I am back to thinking what if there is a bleeding somewhere, what if they can't stop it...
Why oh why, I am this scared. Death should not be this scary. I need to get over this, I need to  be at peace with this whenever happens. Then there is Aryanna and looking at her makes me cry. What is wrong with me...Why do I think about death this much. Does this mean something? I hope not.