sigh

You know it has gone too far when the thought of weekend is not only comforting but even more stressing.

My way

I love this old song. I need more music in my life. Music makes any day a better day.

One of those days

that I feel defeated by life.
My 3 years old has a few of her lashes attached to the top lid and inside her eye, very stuck in there causing irritation. 2 pediatricians yesterday couldn't get it out. She was so sweet and cooperative at first. Then she was scared and screamed and cried and asked for help and I felt helpless. No matter how much I explain it to her that I need to help her, she doesn't get it. I just don't see how this can go any better with a pediatrics ophthalmologist. Someone has to pin her down which will immediately cause her to panic. Thus my helplessness.
On a different note, I am almost 6 months pregnant and exhausted and hormonal. Everything bothers me more than it should. It is hot here. I need to get Aryanna out for a little while so that she can have a normal day, nap and sleep. Our whole day and mood depends on that outside time.  There is a park close by that she likes to go. I walk with her in the stroller and then let her play for a while. There is this 40-50 years woman in that park that has raised some red flags in my head. One day, last week, Aryanna was with my dad while I was sitting on a bench, all of a sudden I saw she is holding hands with this woman walking with her, following her,  going through the slides.  She seems nice, strangely interested in my child and ignoring me. I was in shock and didn't think much of it. She showed up the next day again and picked up Aryanna and the whole thing all over while I was trying to figure out why and what? I wanted to scream: lady, you don't have a child in the playground, nor a grandchild why are you here?! Why without even asking for my permission you touch and hug and kiss my child. I asked her a few questions and she offered to babysit Aryanna if I needed help!! We left the park. I came home and read about child abuse and everything this lady has done so far seemed like a text book case of trying to gain my child's trust through making friends with her caregivers, etc.
It is most likely nothing but I freaked out. I was prepared to tell her to back off two days ago at the park. She didn't show up. Today, with Aryanna's eye drama and my backache and general sadness I am dealing with, I don't want to be watching my surroundings in the park like a hawk for this lady and then try to confront her to say BACK OFF!
So we are still home. The weather is getting warmer and I can't seem to entertain Aryanna. I just want this day to end, the eyelash get out of Aryanna's eyes and the lady leave us and the playground alone for ever. None of those things are big deals but they are big enough to make an exhausted pregnant woman worry and put her on the edge of tears all day.  It is one of those days, indeed.

drained

Feeling so very drained, on all fronts.
There is almost always, tomorrow.

On a different note, less selfish note that is, I'm worried for a friend.
Thinking of you and praying for you.

Just wrong

Some days, some weeks, some weekends, some months, some years, So many things, are. Or so they seem too often lately.

So I am pregnant with baby K2! If you could use numbers in a name, I would consider K2, really. The peak. Of course that is very cool.
It took us a while to make the decision, to finish at two instead of one. I'm happy. There are a lot of unknown and worries, mostly for my work situation and where I could be with another baby. I am still hopeful that in 2-3 years, I can go back to working full time and do what I enjoy, my work. I worry how this 3-5 years gap would effect finding a job but I have decided to think m positively.
This pregnsncy has been harder so far.
Things that I miss about not bring pregnant:

1. Picking up and carrying Aryanna whenever.
2. My body, the one that I was happy with for a while, after a long while and a lot of work
3. My mostly flat tummy
4. My Friday night glass of red wine
5. laying on my stomach, doing many other things while laying on my stomach! (This is not Face Book, I say what I want!)

Anyways, here is to a happy healthy baby boy and for summer to go by fast this year.

Happy!

So, E, one of my closest friends was here this past weekend. It was very nice to have her even for only 2 days. I am also very happy since Monday morning. There is this giant smile on my face that wont go away. Little, tiny things that make you smile...